What was I thinking?

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Reminiscing, rambling and reading

I picked up Tigga's "cremains" yesterday. At the vet's office, they handed me a little decorative square tin container with "Tigga [last name]" inside a heart taped to it. I was surprised at how small the container was (3½"x3½") but also by how heavy it felt in my hand. I walked out the door with my jumbled emotions ready to spill over.

I got in the car, and set her on the seat next to me, and felt the tears well up in and the thickness in my throat rise to the surface. I put the car in gear and headed for the house, not quite a mile away. I couldn't fight off the vision of the last time I'd had Tigga in my vehicle, alone with me. She was in the kennel and I'd put my hand to the screen and she'd nudge up against it, loving on me, even as scared as she was. I began to think about how fast she'd gone downhill and about how we lost her, only a scant 3 days after her diagnosis. She had to have been in pain, but never showed any signs that anything was amiss until she'd stopped eating that week.

As I drove, I spoke "I'm sorry, Tig" and was overcome by sobs. I rarely sob, but I was heartbroken at the thought that we'd let her suffer and were too oblivious to know. I got home, and let loose and, for the first time since we lost her, I let myself finally grieve. I hadn't realized I'd not let myself do that, so that Lisa wouldn't be so upset. I stupidly thought I had to stay strong for her, because Tigga was HER cat for 10 years before they ever moved into my home.

I still miss Tigga something fierce. I find myself putting off getting out my knitting in the evenings, because Tigga's not there to "help." There's no chatty kitty greeting me in the morning when I come out of our room, nor is she there to greet me when I come home from work. I'm left to put my shoes on in the morning by myself, without a purring machine laying next to me insisting that I pet her as I put on my socks and shoes and tie the laces. It's amazing how much of our lives our pets are involved in. And it's those little things that make such a big difference.

I found a really nice "urn" to keep her in. The woman who sells them will engrave her name into it, just below the "Beloved Pet" inscription.

I love the fact that the kitty is laying down, sleeping -- that was the essence of Tigga in her life with us together in the past 6 years. And I love the angel wings. Tigga WAS an angel -- with her, it was always about YOU, not her. She gave and gave and gave, and only ever expected a scritch behind the ear or a stroke on her head in return.

Idgie sure helps take some of the sting out of losing Tigga, but she'll never replace her. But, she brings us smiles and laughter, as does Simba.

Simba seems to be relishing his role as "big brother." They play constantly and sometimes he's a bit too rough with her, making her cry. Yesterday morning, he had her sort of trapped under himself, with his front paws encircling her, and he was grooming her. She just lay there and took it. It was sweet.


Bad news, good news...

Jake Plummer is no longer in last place for QB rating in the NFL. He's moved up two notches, ahead of Kerry Collins and Andrew Walter (R). That's the bad news. The good news is that he's only ONE TENTH OF A POINT behind Big Ben Roethlisberger.

It's nice to suck in such good company, isn't it?

The Manning brothers are in the top 5 for passing yards for the league, with big brother Peyton on pace for a 5,000 yard season (mathematically). They also are among the eight quarterbacks with passer ratings over 100. Of course, big brother Peyton leads in those stats, too. What's interesting is that they both have a "longest pass" of 37 yards and they've both completed 51 passes.

The really BIG surprise is that David Carr, the QB of one of the worse teams in the NFL, carries a current QB rating of just over 126. Clearly the performance of the team as a whole can't be pinned on the quarterback. Of course, it doesn't help that Houston's defense gives up almost 500 yards per game. Oh sure, they went up against Indie and Phillie in their first two games -- teams with quarterbacks that not only LIKE to throw the ball, but do it very well. And, given that 350 of the 486 yards per game that they give up is in PASSING yards, it would seem to me that maybe they should focus on pass defense in practice for the next few weeks. Just a thought.

And poor T.O. hurt is fingie. Let's hear a big, sentimental "AWWWW" for the little tyke. *Putz*


Finally, I stole this from Melissa's blog.

A book I've read more than once? This is something I love to do. I've read so many books more than once, I couldn't count them. I always feel like I get something more out of a book, each time I read it. My all time favorites to read, over and over, are Roots (Alex Haley), The Stand (Stephen King), Strangers (Dean Koontz), and the timeless Heidi, (Johanna Spyri). I love a book that weaves numerous characters into the story, and brings them all together, either over time or through happenstance.

What book would I want on a desert Island? Robinson Crusoe (Daniel Defoe), so I could learn something about survival, I suppose.

A book that made me laugh? The Grass Is Always Greener over the Septic Tank (Erma Bombeck) Erma's views on weight loss and self-image are something that every woman should read.

A book that made me cry? Sophie's Choice (William Styron), True Crime (Andrew Klavan) When "Sophie" has to make her choice between her children, well, it just makes me sob, and sob, and sob. When Frank Beechum writes a farewell letter to his daughter, well, that made me sob, too.

A book I wish I'd written? Mommie Dearest (Christina Crawford) Christina Crawford articulates what many survivors of childhood abuse wished they could say.

A book I wish had never been written? Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care (original version) Parents of the 60s and 70s clearly only read PART of this book because they taught their children that everything about them was okay, even their actions (or lack thereof). This begat a generation of enabling parents whose kids don't know how to take accountability for themselves.

A book I'm currently reading? Quickbooks for Dummies (Stephen L. Nelson), Conservatives Without Conscience (John Dean).

A book I've meant to read? A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens) "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." Really, I've never read it.

A book that changed my life? The Psychology of Winning (Denis Waitley) Pick any Waitley book, and it made a difference in my life. Perhaps I read them at a time when I was most receptive to self-introspection and change. Be that as it may, it gave me a whole new way of looking at life, and how I react to it.


  • At 9/19/2006 12:45 PM, Blogger patti_cake said…

    Awww Pat I love the urn for Tigga. It hurts so much to lose someone you love, whether they have two legs or four. Hugs to you.

  • At 9/19/2006 1:20 PM, Anonymous Recovering Straight Girl said…

    Sorry about your kitty.

    Thanks so much for the comment on my blog, it means a lot to know that other people have gone through similar situations!

  • At 9/19/2006 4:15 PM, Blogger educand said…

    Gosh, I am so, so sorry to hear about your kitty. It hurts like nothing else to lose a pet, even when you know they've had a happy life and that it's best for them. Glad to hear you've had a little bit of a chance to grieve and experience some joy in your other pets.

  • At 9/20/2006 10:27 PM, Blogger SassyFemme said…

    I'm so sorry about Tigga. She was obviously one very well loved kitty. The urn is really nice, I love the angel aspect of it.


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