What was I thinking?

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Shamelessly stolen from another site

When the divorce was final, she spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the former husband and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home...

...including the curtain rods.



  • At 8/15/2006 11:33 AM, Blogger Hotflash said…

    I got this in my e-mail and I love answering these things so I am gonna share it here and hope some of you will join in/ cut and paste and answer these too.....

    I don't know who thinks up some of these but I have fun answering them....

    What language would you like to speak fluently? Spanish

    Sharpies or Bics? Sharpies

    Worst health scare? precancerous uterus which they discovered when they took it out...

    Title of last book you read? 501 Spanish Verbs... (lol... not light reading by any means)

    Green thumb or grim reaper? Alas... I am doomed to kill everything even cactus.

    Organized or disorganized? Organized on the outside... but inside my head... OY.. chaos.

    Stick shift or automatic? I am not coordinated enough to do a stick and I want to learn really!!!

    Last time you threw up? Uhh.. July 4th.

    Is there anybody you are really afraid of? Yes.

    Look to the left of your monitor… what do you see? A sign that says, "May your time be filled with relaxing sunsets, cool drinks, and sand between your toes."

    Do you do your own taxes? Heck no. I hire a guy I work with.

    Lights on or off? Assuming this means for hubba hubba... lights ON.

    Name one thing under your bed right now. Hmm... besides dust bunnies.... a lock box.

    Ever had a sexual relationship with a co-worker? yep. once.

    Favorite candy? Ferraro Rocher coconut balls

    Any phobias? Fear of heights, spiders, snakes, claustrophobia.

  • At 8/16/2006 8:45 AM, Blogger patti_cake said…

    I have read this before and love it each time. heh heh ....

  • At 8/19/2006 2:43 PM, Blogger SassyFemme said…

    Just discovered your blog, this is hilarious!!!

  • At 8/19/2006 9:16 PM, Blogger Jenn said…

    Oh. My. GOD!!!!

    This is my favorite story ever. Ever.

    Now...if only I could come up with something for The Idiot....


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