Friday Funnies

Do you like irreverent humor? Give this a look-see...


Family Guy: Osama Bin Laden - video powered by Metacafe

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Did you hear about the blonde who never learned to water ski?
She couldn't find a lake with a slope. (badump bump)
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The corner shop baker was a true artist when it came to making birthday cakes. One customer asked him "Can you make a birthday cake for my wife? She's an optician." The baker agreed and produced a birthday cake in the perfect shape of a winking eye, complete with eyelashes.

His next customer said, "Can you make a birthday cake for my husband? He's a dentist." He agreed and produced a cake in the shape of an open mouth, including the teeth and tongue.

At that moment another customer began to leave his shop when the baker asked, "Can I help you?" The lady turned and said, "No, I don't think so. It's my husband birthday today, but he's a gynecologist."
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A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door, "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to tell ya." There was an accident down at the Brewery."

"Oh no," cries Brenda. "Please don;t tell me..."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of beer and drowned."

"Oh my! You must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda, no. Fact is, he got out three times to use the restroom."

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When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it into pieces! He climbed down from his truck to survey the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of transportation workers. The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than an hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"

The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."
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Have a great weekend!